Bride vs. Groom | Who Chooses the Photographer?

So I was sitting on the couch the other day and editing while watching all the crazy wedding shows on TLC and Slice TV and I must say, it’s a great way to inspire new blog topics.  I was watching this one show where the bride kept asking her fiancé for his opinion on various vendors/flowers/decorations, etc, and he kept saying “I don’t care”.  The bride was infuriated at her fiancés responses and it caused quite a bit of drama!  Drama is okay for tv shows… but do you really want real-live drama during your wedding planning?


Flash forward to real life.  Here’s a scenario I’ve seen happen time and time again.  (Okay, not the first few sentences… that’s just creating ambiance!)


He proposes, she accepts, they kiss.  Before their lips even part, her brain is already swarming with ideas for the wedding!  After some internet research, the couple go together, hand in hand, to interview different vendors.  At the meeting, the bride asks millions of questions while the groom sits there silently.   After a long interview and a plethora of questions asked, the bride seems satisfied but turns to the groom and asks for his opinion.  He mumbles “Uh…. I don’t know.  It’s fine I guess.  I really don’ care.” and continues to play Angry Birds on his iPhone.  The bride then second guesses her choice of vendor because her fiancé’s reaction and they leave the meeting, contract unsigned, date unreserved and with the burden of a looming argument once they reach home.

I’m a happily married woman who made it through her wedding planning successfully because my husband and I made one thing clear from the start: if we say “we don’t care” about something, it means we truly don’t care and we don’t need to be asked 40 questions about what our opinion is.  We agreed that the phrase “I don’t care” would not be used negatively, it would simply be used if we didn’t have strong feelings either way for the subject we were discussing.  For example, my husband didn’t care about what colours we chose for our wedding; so I picked my colour scheme and never asked him about it again.

The point I’m trying to make is this:

Don’t second guess your decision on a vendor you love just  because your fiancé doesn’t have an opinion.  There’s a good chance that they simply don’t care and they are just happy to know that you are happy.

This is especially true with photography!  Most grooms will check out a photographers website, take a quick 10-second look, and say “Okay, that’s fine”.  A bride, however, will spend hours if not days looking at the site, analyzing the pictures, the lighting, the composition, the overall style.  On the wedding day, the bride will be loving every minute of picture taking, while the groom could care less – he’s just looking forward to the booze at the reception.

If you’re fallen in love with a photographer because their work is unlike anything else you’ve seen, don’t let your partner have the final say in hiring them if the partner has no strong opinions. The person who holds the passion, holds the power!

So when it comes to booking your vendors, please hear me out, brides:  There’s no point in forcing your fiance to “choose” something they simply don’t care about because there’s a very good chance that they have no strong opinion and will simply be happy to know that you’re happy!

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